i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
