Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
