the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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