Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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