new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize