So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
