her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
