just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
