she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
