Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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