you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
