guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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