It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
