Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
