I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
