i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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