That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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