I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
