i already hear my dad disowning me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize