I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
