Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
