Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
