She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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