ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
