Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
