brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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