CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
