theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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