if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
