I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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