Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
