Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
