Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
