Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Floor bacon is actually really good
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize