somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
