Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
