I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this boner is exhausting
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
