Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
