Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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