i just google imaged poop.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
