your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Randomize
