can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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