Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
