That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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