Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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