A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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