Michael Bay diarrhea
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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