I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
