i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
