Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
