wanna go halves on a baby?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
