Having a random hookup so left but love u
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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