Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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