I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
