Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
