Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize