I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
