people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
