Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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