don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
