i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize