Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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