I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
