All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
